Be the people you want your kids to be...

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Do as I say, not what I do.” I wonder if that was invented to assuage the guilt of poor parenting, or if people ever thought it might actually work. Either way, just commit to never saying it again. For a variety of reasons. First, it doesn’t work, at least not in the long term. It usually gets said because a child noticed your behavior and repeated it. So you’re thinking that something they’ve become accustomed to will be changed by your one little scolding. Good luck with that. Second, hypocrisy is not a viable parenting technique. Saying one thing and doing another will get you nowhere. At least nowhere you want to go.

I hear parents air complaints about their kids’ behavior all the time. Nothing excessive, just typical stuff, bad words, bad attitudes, they treat mom like this or dad like that. They don’t listen, they don’t obey, they don’t take responsibility. Here’s a scary truth. Your children will grow up to be little versions of you. That begs the question, “Who are you?” Are you patient? Are you kind? Are you loving and affectionate and confident and positive and respectful? Because if you aren’t, you are teaching your kids that they can behave the same way. You feel the pressure now? Yeah, me too.

As parents, we have to practice. Practice patience, practice kindness, practice speaking softly and lovingly. It needs to become a habit so it can shape our kids to be good and Godly people.  

Left Behind...

Been a while since I posted, I see. Well, moving and taking a new call and getting your bearings can consume lots of time. But here I am, eyes fixed on screen, looking to share some thoughts.
I'm preaching this weekend. It happens to be All Saints Sunday. We remember those that have gone before us and perhaps most importantly, what they left behind. One of my favorite life words and the topic of my sermon this coming Sunday is legacy.
When those saints go off to be with Jesus, they leave behind a new expression of themselves. It is everything they invested themselves in; their time, their talents, their love, and their gifts. Legacy is the continuous ripple that spreads from a single point, from a single life, through close family and friends and outward into the world. I'm always both encouraged and convicted that in this life we are always in the midst of legacy building. Every interaction we have, every conversation or chance meeting leaves an imprint of our legacy. Are we increasing joy? Are we sharing the love? Are we embodying the Faith? Or are we sharing our cynicism, our negativity, our despair? Every day is a chance to establish our legacy. How will we be remembered? Sometimes we get a year, sometimes a lifetime, sometimes just one chance to be remembered and impact someone. What will your today contribute to your legacy? We'll see you this Sunday for some more thoughts on legacy.
Blessings,
Pastor Luke

Life Overwhelming?

I was recently at the Mall of America with the family and these visits offer such good observation times. Watching people, trying to pick up on snippets of their stories, trying to figure out how that person ended up with that other person, things like that are just captivating to me.
First of all, a confession. I don't like crowds. I think God made me tall so I wouldn't get completely claustrophobic when in crowds, but I still get anxious and somewhat irritable. So yes, I know going to the MOA on a Saturday isn't a recipe for relaxation.
That said, and after a scolding to get my head in the game, I decided to focus on the happiness of others and see how that looked. Not good at all, it turns out. I was amazed to find so many people bickering, frustrated, fronting, lonely, or just disengaged. I'll write some of that off to Minnesota winters and SAD, but the rest just comes from something missing. Now I know that you don't go looking for hope at the mall, that joy doesn't necessarily flow out of the place, but even at Disneyworld last December, the happiest place on earth, people had similar frustrations written on their faces.
I really hope that the public displays I see so often are an anomaly, that people are truly happy and that I just happen to catch (all of?) them at their moments of weakness. Perhaps their lives at home are full of joy and sunshine. I'm guessing not. So why is this? I can't say I'm immune to this, even as I write about others, they may see this in me as well. What is and isn't in our control?
Here is my stab at a few things that I, and others, need to keep in mind on our end.
1. Stop caring what other people think. Half of the time I see frustrated parents, they seem more concerned that other people see their kids having a fit than they are that this is a chance to parent and teach. Those disapproving looks stay at the mall, but you take your kids home with you. Has the most recent outing been a win or a loss?
2. Model patience. This is tricky for me. I have a book called "Love as a way of life" and it talks about developing your daily life to exude love. Chapter one is Kindness, I loved it. Chapter two is patience. Who has time for that? Needless to say, the bookmark is still stuck there for me. But, do I want my kids to be impatient? That certainly makes for more difficult plane rides, times in line, or times waiting for mom to meet us in the van to go somewhere... I say this all the time; our kids will turn out to be little versions of us. What are we teaching them to be? Model patience...
3. Smile and treat people nicely. This should be easy. It isn't.

Is life overwhelming? It can be if we try and do it on our own. My two cents? Give up the things you can't control, trust God to have your back, and focus on stewarding, taking care of, the gifts of life and family you've been given. Let's do it right, we've only got one chance at this...

Ordinary...

A snippet from my message on Sunday, some folks had asked about it...

Matthew 4:18-22 (The Message)

 ^18-20Walking along the beach of Lake Galilee, Jesus saw two brothers: Simon (later called Peter) and Andrew. They were fishing, throwing their nets into the lake. It was their regular work. Jesus said to them, "Come with me. I'll make a new kind of fisherman out of you. I'll show you how to catch men and women instead of perch and bass." They didn't ask questions, but simply dropped their nets and followed.
 ^21-22A short distance down the beach they came upon another pair of brothers, James and John, Zebedee's sons. These two were sitting in a boat with their father, Zebedee, mending their fishnets. Jesus made the same offer to them, and they were just as quick to follow, abandoning boat and father.

Life is always moving. God’s mission is constantly flowing, weaving in and through our lives. We can observe or we can participate. I’ve heard the excuses, most of them I’ve made myself, My wallet isn’t fat enough, my mind isn’t sharp enough, I’m too far gone for you to use, I’m too young, I’m too old, I’m scared. Pick yours, and put it to rest. God doesn’t need the wealthiest, the smartest, or the most eloquent. God needs you and me, not just needs, but wants. God wants to put us in the game, he wants to get us off the sidelines of life and give us a chance to shine. We are exactly what God wants when and where he wants us. And it isn’t a mistake. God isn’t leaving it up to chance.

I’m not a betting man, but if I was, and you told me this Gospel story and then asked if I thought these fishermen had what it takes to change the world, I likely wouldn’t bet the house on them. But Jesus did. Jesus bet his life on them, and on us.

Ordinary people from ordinary lives have been loving God and loving their neighbor and changing the world since Jesus first called these guys off their boats. I bet if I asked Jesus why he chose these guys, he’d tell me a few things. “They were available, they were willing, and, in the end, they just followed me when I asked them.” 
God doesn’t require the best of the best. He creates it. God takes the ordinary and makes it extraordinary. So rejoice in your shortcomings, stand strong in your weaknesses. God wants you just the way you are. What he desires is your willingness to follow Jesus.

Happy Thanksgiving!

On Sunday, we had a teacher and preacher from Nigeria worship with us and bring us God’s Word. He was charming, witty, and genuine, and he had some real words of wisdom for me personally and for the whole congregation. He shared stories of the explosive growth the church is experiencing in Nigeria, so much so that one pastor serves 36 different mission districts or worshipping communities. He spoke of ‘raw’ faith and witness, a passion and a desire to make the cross of Christ known in all the world. And it is that one cross that unites people in all corners of the earth under the same banner. Yet we seldom ‘feel’ that divide in our lives as we go about our days. Maybe we experience it a week out of the year with a trip to Jamaica, Kentucky, or some other mission field where we unite under the cross of Christ, but inevitably we return home and the feeling can fade. I think we can find a mission field right in our own backyard, or kitchen, or community center. Start with kindness, make it your mission to improve the day of everyone you encounter. Why not start today? Or tomorrow?

It really is too bad that we need to mandate a day of the year and call it the day of thanks. We should take a note from the emotionally sappy mom, grandma, or aunt that always asked the question at the dinner table, “What are you thankful for today?” Make that question and the answer a part of your daily routine. Make giving thanks a daily habit.

Make Thanksgiving just an excuse to get together with family and eat turkey because giving thanks is a joyous experience of everyday living…

Because of them...

I just got back from Washington DC late last night. Jess had a conference for work and so I decided to tag along and enjoy the nation's capital. I hadn't been there since 9th grade and I honestly can't remember that trip at all, so I was due for a trip back. It was a profound experience, thinking about all that goes in to creating and sustaining this great nation. I think what struck me the most was the honor and respect given to those who made this country what it is. From the Jefferson memorial to the Lincoln and Washington memorials, I was struck by the size of the statues. But it is only fitting, for these men were truly giants. I mourned a little knowing that the days of those giants is likely over. The modern political battlefield leaves very few healthy enough to take on such monumental struggles.

It was later in the evening when battlefields came to mind in a different way. We were visiting the WWII memorial, a truly overwhelming experience that I knew would have an impact on me. I know I'm a little late for veteran's day, but the deep appreciation and gratitude I have for those who have served and do serve is truly humbling.
As we entered into the interior oval of the memorial, a large group of schoolkids was gathered, waiting to enter. They were rowdy and I grimaced as I noticed the "Quiet, Respect Please" sign near the entrance. I knew it wouldn't be a great mix. Jess and I were a quarter of the way around, caught up in the experience, when I heard some splashing. One of the jr. high aged kids was trying to splash water at his friends from one of the reflecting pools. I stopped and turned and stared at the kid, giving him a look that could have frozen that pool over. I waited for him to get it and turn and run after his friends before I turned back to Jess. I remember saying something along the lines of, "These kids don't get it, why even bring them here?" Jess, always the level headed one, reminded me of the undeveloped brain of the adolescent, but I was already feeling some reality sink in.
It was because of them. Our men and women fight and die so kids can be kids. Here I am getting after some kid I don't know because he is being who he is supposed to be. They get to run and laugh and be naughty because of the freedom that has been won for them.
I guess I needed to be reminded of a history lesson that night as well...
Thank you veterans, for the gift of freedom.

Opportunity cost...

I'm not an economist, but I play one in real life. What I mean is that every day I leverage my knowledge against the market. Work, family, friends, leisure, these things all make a claim on my most limited resource: Time. That said, I've come to embrace the concept of opportunity cost. Like most things in life, opportunity cost dwells in a place of tension between two extremes. The first extreme is to be unable to say no. Any request made of you receives an instant and enthusiastic yes. "Can you help me paint my house?" "We need new windows, who will replace them?" "Can you help me out by taking on this extra project at work?" "Can you make it to my school play?"
Saying yes to everything guarantees that we will over-commit and under-perform.

The other side of the coin, of course, is to say no to everything. "Can you help me paint my house?" "We need new windows, who will replace them?" "Can you help me out by taking on this extra project at work?" "Can you make it to my school play?"
Saying no to everything guarantees that people will leave you alone.

Since I consider our time on earth best spent while living out our Godly calling community, we have to find our place of tension, where the request and the response take into consideration our priorities and our aforementioned calling.
For example, I am often asked to attend evening meetings, some of which are on my calendar, others of which fall under the category of, "It would sure be nice if a pastor was there..." That said, I try to limit the number of evenings I'm away from my family. For each meeting I commit to, I sacrifice time at home putting the kids to bed, connecting with Jess, etc. So, the opportunity cost involved with attending a meeting is that I am away from my family. Attending a meeting "cost me" the opportunity to spend time at home.

I used to love gardening. Correction, I still love to work outside, planting, nurturing, etc. But, I don't do it anymore. Something has to give when you have kids. The gardens are a mess, stuff doesn't get mulched or weeded or watered. Oh well. My family is awesome. I love playing with the kids, date nights with Jess, taking walks or going to the park. My gardens are a mess but my house is in order...

It turns out that if you manage your finances, you can pay people to do things that would otherwise make you sacrifice the things you value.

Opportunity cost will live in a different place for each of us as we set priorities, balance a budget, and work overtime either at home or place of business during seasons in our lives. My wish for you is that you might take the time to consciously consider what you give up in order to do something else in your life. Our busy lives often force us to do one thing at the expense of the other, and I think we need to take some time to evaluate and re-evaluate those decisions and really be assured that we've put them in the right order.